When planning your wedding, personalising your wedding invitations and stationery can add a special touch that makes your guests feel truly welcomed. Customising each invitation to add guest names is a thoughtful touch. In this guide, we cover everything you need to know to address your wedding invitations properly, how to customise your invites with guest names, and manage the logistics of submitting guest information for a seamless mail merge process.
Planning your wedding involves many details, and ensuring your guests dress appropriately is another way you can ensure the comfort of everyone. Including a dress code helps create the desired atmosphere and prevents any awkward wardrobe choices. Consider the anxiety of heading to an event when you don’t know if what you’re wearing is appropriate?! Your friends and family will typically have the same concerns about appropriate dress attire for your wedding. Here’s a comprehensive guide for engaged couples on how to communicate your wedding dress code effectively.
Why Include a Dress Code on Your Wedding Invitations?
Including a dress code on your wedding invitations sets the tone for your special day, helps guests dress appropriately, and ensures a cohesive look in your photos. A well-defined dress code clarifies the formality of the event and eliminates last-minute outfit panics.
How to share your wedding dress code with guests
The style of your invitation should convey the tone of your wedding—formal and traditional wedding invitation styles convey a different tone than bright and relaxed wedding invites. As well as the contextual clues, you can also explicitly state what you want. My rule of thumb when sharing any information is KISS (Keep It Simple Sweetie). Ensure your wording is easy to understand, clear and concise to avoid overwhelm.
Where to Include Your Wedding Dress Code
1. Wedding Invitation: This is where your wedding guests will look for this information first. You would typically place the dress code in the lower corner, or at the bottom center.
2. Information/Details Card: If you’re using a separate card for essential information, include the dress code here to keep the wedding invitation simple.
3. Wedding Website: You can use your wedding website to provide detailed dress code information. This can help answer any FAQs your guests might have about attire. If you have any specific requests, here’s where to do it. You could mention any specific colours or styles to avoid, and highlight practical considerations (e.g., avoiding heels for a garden wedding). i.e:
“Is there a dress code?” Answer directly: “The dress code for our wedding is [dress code].” Add a brief explanation with specifics.
“Are there any styles or colors you’d prefer me to wear?” Provide a brief overview of your wedding theme or swatches of your colour palette. Mention preferred colours or fabrics but keep requests flexible.
What are the different Wedding Dress Codes?
What is Formal Dress Code or ‘White Tie’?
Formal attire, evening dress, or white tie is the most formal dress code. Women wear ball gowns, while men don top hats and tails. As the name “evening dress” suggests, this dress code applies to events beginning after dark.
Example Wording: “White-tie. We ask that men wear tailcoats and women wear floor-length evening gowns or ball gowns. Top hats and gloves are encouraged.”
“Formal attire. We suggest that men wear a suit in any colour and women wear a cocktail dress or a nice pantsuit.”
What is Semi-Formal or Black Tie?
Funny enough, most people would consider black tie to be the top tier of formal attire. However in etiquette circles, this is classed as semi-formal. Women should wear dresses with a hemline ending between the knees to the floor. Men should be in a tuxedo. Often, the region will influence how formal people will dress. For example, what some consider formal attire in Dunedin might be seen as smart casual or cocktail in Auckland.
Example Wording: “Black-tie. We ask that men wear a tuxedo and women wear a floor-length gown.”
What is Black Tie Optional?
Black tie optional suggests that guests are encouraged to wear attire fitting a black-tie dress code, but it is not mandatory. Men can wear a tuxedo or a dark suit with a tie, while women can choose an evening gown, midi, or knee-length cocktail dress.
Example Wording: “Black-tie optional. We ask that men wear a tuxedo or a dark suit and tie and women wear an evening gown or midi or knee-length cocktail dress.”
What is Cocktail Attire?
Cocktail attire tends to be the default dress code for most weddings. There can be a bit of overlap between the more formal black tie and the less formal smart casual dress codes, but what sets this level of dress code apart is the length and fabric type of the dresses. Cocktail dresses allow for higher hemlines (i.e., above the knee). Men should wear a dress shirt, dress pants, a tie, and a blazer.
Example Wording: “Cocktail attire. We suggest that men wear a suit or dress shirt with tie and women wear a midi- or knee-length dress or dressy separates.”
What is Semi-Formal or Dressy Casual Attire?
Semi-formal attire includes cocktail-length dresses or dressy separates for women and a suit and tie for men. Dressy casual allows for comfort while maintaining a stylish appearance.
Example Wording: “We ask that you wear semi-formal attire such as a cocktail-length dress or dressy separates for women and a suit and tie for men. Please note that the venue does not permit blue jeans or sneakers.” “Dressy casual. We want you to be comfortable at our wedding. The dress code is dressy casual attire. For this time of year on Waiheke Island, may we suggest the following attire:
Women: Sundresses, lightweight separates, and flats or wedge heels for the outdoor ceremony on the lawn.
Men: Light dress shirts with khaki or other lightweight slacks; jackets and ties optional.”
What is Smart Casual?
Smart casual is perfect for a small, informal wedding or a garden wedding. A dress with a floral design or plain colour would be perfect. For men, a dress shirt and dress pants, with a tie optional.
Example Wording: “Smart casual. May we suggest button-down shirts with khaki pants for men and sundresses with dressy flats or comfortable heels for women.”
What is Beach Casual?
Beach casual is ideal for beach weddings and destination weddings. Men can wear a long or short-sleeved shirt with slacks or shorts, while women can opt for sundresses or dressy separates. Heels are discouraged in favour of flats or sandals.
Example Wording: “Beach casual. May we suggest that men wear a long or short-sleeved shirt with slacks or shorts and ladies wear a sundress or dressy separates, like a nice top and skirt. Instead of heels, wear a pair of strappy or platform sandals.”
What is Daytime Attire?
Daytime attire is suitable for weddings held outdoors. Sundresses and sandals are appropriate for women, while men can wear button-down shirts with pants. Avoid athletic wear.
Example Wording: “Daytime attire. Our wedding will be taking place outdoors in the grass. May we suggest sundresses and sandals for women and button-down shirts with pants for men. Please, no athletic wear.”
By providing clear dress code instructions, you can help your guests feel confident in their attire choices and ensure everyone looks great on your special day. Happy planning!
More wording & etiquette posts from the Wedding Invitation Wording Series
It’s always humbling to have your friends and family shower you with gifts, and your wedding is one of those special occasions that people go all out for. There’s plenty of horror stories of tacky vases and multiple toasters circulating, so couples like to get ahead of any questions and suggest what sort of gifts they would like to receive.
It’s becoming more and more common for couples to grapple with the question: “How do I politely let parents know that children aren’t invited to our wedding?” The truth is, many couples are opting for child-free weddings, and that’s perfectly acceptable.
Here at Be My Guest Design, we’re all about practicality. We believe in embracing wedding traditions that work for you and discarding the ones that don’t. If having children at your wedding doesn’t align with your vision, you have every right to make it an adults-only affair.
Adults-only weddings are not unusual, but there can be some guilt associated with not explicitly inviting your close friends’ kids. To help you navigate this delicate situation, here are some tips on communicating your preference for a child-free wedding to your guests.
Bored children can be challenging for adults, particularly their parents and the marrying couple. The thought of crying children messing with the bridal gown or table settings can be anxiety-inducing. It’s not that they intend to ruin your day; it’s just that kids bring noise and chaos with them. Additionally, some parents may not be fully aware of how their children’s behaviour affects others, while others will spend the day policing their kids and won’t be able to fully switch off and relax.
How to Communicate Your Desire for an Adults-Only Wedding
The most effective way to exclude children from your wedding is to be upfront about it in your wedding invitations. Don’t beat around the bush, hoping people will pick up on subtleties. Make sure your guests understand your stance on children at the wedding.
Here are some essential tips and wording examples to ensure that your guests understand and respect your desire for a child-free wedding:
Personalised Invitations and RSVP Cards:
The most straightforward way to convey your preference for an adults-only celebration is by personalising each individual invitation with the names of the invitees. This way, guests will understand that the invitation is meant exclusively for those mentioned. Additionally, consider adding the number of guests you’re extending the invitation to on the RSVP card. For instance, if Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s RSVP card already has a ‘2’ prefilled, they’ll readily grasp that their five kids aren’t included in the invitation.
Include a Clear Line:
Consider including a concise line on a separate enclosure to emphasise the adults-only status of your event. For those who still need clarification, this line can serve as a gentle reminder. Some couples opt to include children at the ceremony but want an adults-only reception. In such cases, a concise line like “Children are welcome for the ceremony but cannot be accommodated at the reception” suffices. Avoid implying you’re giving parents a night off, as it can come across poorly.
Examples for Wording:
Here’s a list of wording examples to convey that your wedding is exclusively for adults:
Adults only
Adults only (exception for immediate family and infants under 6 months)
As much as we would like to invite all the children of our loved ones, we will only be able to welcome over-18s at our wedding due to budget constraints.
Children outside the bridal party are not invited for the ceremony, but are welcome for the reception.
Due to safety reasons at our venue, we are unable to extend this invitation to children.
Due to space constraints, we are only able to invite the children of immediate family to our wedding.
Due to the nature of our venue, we are unable to invite under-18s to our wedding.
Following the ceremony and drinks reception, please join us for an adults-only reception at 5pm.
In order to meet guest number restrictions, we are only able to extend our invitation to the children of close family and/or our wedding party.
While we adore your children, our budget will only allow us to accommodate adult guests at our wedding.
Unfortunately, as much as we’d love to invite all of our friends’ children, we can only accommodate a few close family children. We hope that you will understand this decision and that you will still be able to join us on our special day.
We are only able to accommodate the children of the wedding party.
We are unable to accommodate children beyond our page boys and flower girls.
We are unable to accommodate guests under 18.
We are very sorry, but due to restrictions at our venue, we cannot accommodate children.
We love your kids, however due to limited numbers, we hope you appreciate that children are only invited if named.
We regret that due to cost restrictions, we are only able to invite over-18s to our wedding.
We respectfully request that under-18s do not attend the reception.
We would like our special day to be an adult-only occasion, however we would like to invite your children at the evening reception till 7pm.
By selecting the most appropriate wording for your unique situation, you can effectively convey your wishes and create a respectful understanding among your guests. This way, your adults-only wedding can be a delightful and harmonious celebration.
What happens when parents think their children are invited?
If guests still RSVP for their children despite your efforts, you may need to call them in advance and explain that their children cannot be accommodated. While it might feel tough, it’s more considerate than having children at the wedding and feeling frustrated. It is also respectful of other guests who have abided by your wishes and left their children with babysitters.
Exceptions to the “No Children” Rule: Newborn Babies
Many couples who haven’t had children may consider a blanket ban on children in general. However, we recommend being sensitive to the needs of parents with newborn babies, especially if they need to RSVP before the baby arrives.
We highly recommend extending an invitation to babies under three months old if you genuinely want the mother to attend the wedding (even if it’s only a short visit for the ceremony). Parents may be unable to leave their infants with a babysitter, and a compromise for these wee babies can ensure your friends still get to celebrate while adjusting to life with a new bub. As babies towards six months, they become more mobile and challenging to manage, but are more independent of their parents so can hopefully be left with a babysitter!
Not Sure If Your Child Is Invited?
If you’re a parent and you’re unsure whether your children are welcome at a wedding, it’s best to reach out to the couple and check before making any assumptions. Don’t take it personally if they say no!
Remember, it’s your special day, and you have the right to shape it according to your preferences. Clear and respectful communication will help ensure that everyone understands and respects your wishes for an adults-only wedding.
More wording & etiquette posts from the Wedding Invitation Wording Series
As you dive into wedding planning, one crucial aspect you should carefully consider is setting the perfect RSVP date. In this blog post, we’ll guide you through best practices for choosing the ideal reply date, ensuring your big day organisation is both seamless and stress free.
